Portland Bartender Found Living in Amazon Jungle

[RFY] — Researchers were stunned to come across a Portland Bartender deep in the Amazon Jungle last week.

“He must have wandered all the way down here while staring at his phone,” remarked Julia Christensen, an expert on both Amazonian primates and bartenders from Portland.

“What’s remarkable, is how despite adapting to life in the Jungle—surviving off rotten fruit and termites—this particular Bartender seems to have retained its occupational instincts. For instance, I walked right up to a branch it was sitting on and it just looked off into the distance, ignoring me.”

“I know he saw me,” commented another researcher, “He totally made eye contact with me, but then walked off like I wasn’t even there.”

Researchers have dubbed the misplaced Bartender ‘Rocko’ and transported him to a holding cage at The Portland Zoo, until he can be released back into a suitable establishment.

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